Product Review: Escapes, Music for Relaxing by Jeff Gold

I recently received a CD entitled “Escapes – Music for Relaxing” by Jeff Gold. It is described as “One hour of soothing instrumental music to uplift and revive you. As refreshing as a long walk along a perfect beach, ‘Escapes’ is the ideal tempo and rhythm for creative inspiration, massage, yoga, scenic drives or just winding down.”

This beautiful music – composed, performed and produced entirely by Jeff – is true to its word and then some. The chief reason I wanted it was to see how it might help my son relax, especially when he’s in the throes of a sensory meltdown. Ideally, when the flags pop up for an impending meltdown, it is the perfect time to see if I can head it off at the pass, so to speak!

Jeff’s compositions exceed my expectations in so many ways! His uncomplicated melodies and single instrument focus in each song (some piano, some guitar) not only help my son but actually inspire the entire family, including our six new puppies!

The number one benefit that I immediately witnessed was Justin’s focus while doing homework. Normally it takes over an hour to do about 20 minutes of actual work because of distractions, wandering, and plain old not wanting to do it. I put Escapes on softly and we zipped through all four subjects in less than 30 minutes without arguments or repeated prompting. If this were the ONLY outcome of having this CD I’d take it in a heartbeat! Everything else is icing

Here are some other ways my family has enjoyed Jeff’s gifts:

• Well, right now I’m listening to it so I can write this overdue blog post! “Smooth Sailing” is taking me on a journey, and I find that the words are starting to pour out faster with each swell of the music. I love it.
• These days I am frequently overwhelmed with my growing To-Do list, multiple jobs, volunteer time with the Fire Department, and of course being a single mom to boot! This CD instantly takes me out of my head and into the present moment, where I need to be always. It literally takes my blood pressure down several notches along with my stress level. That’s a GOOD THING!
• My teen daughter is able to complete more of her homeschool chapters when listening to Escapes. Of course she doesn’t realize this, but I am always watching!
• Our new pups are now at the age (4 weeks) where they are crying for attention. A lot. All night. And all day. Did I mention I was exhausted? Anyway, their incessant whining causes Mama Dog to experience much distress, as she thinks something is wrong and tries to get them out of their contained area. The situation escalates pretty quickly. This morning I put the music next to the pen and the puppies went to sleep! Mama was able to go outside and enjoy the back deck for a while.
• After school each day, my son and I do a rotation of Fitness 4 Autism (a fitness program I created based on Eric Chessen’s mentorship), yoga, and EFT sessions. This CD complements are sessions perfectly.
• And let’s not forget bedtime! Parents, I KNOW you can relate to the many sleep issues that often accompany an Autism Spectrum Disorder. We love listening to Jeff’s music when doing our sensory routine before bed and during “tucking in” time to help wind down for the night.

Thank you, Jeff, for creating such inspiring and relaxing music. It continues to enhance our family’s activities daily and provides the perfect tool for Autism meltdowns, teen angst, parental overwhelm, and even puppy anxiety!

I highly recommend you go to JeffGoldMusic.com and get a copy!

Stay tuned for additional special reviews on Chewelry, a Kiboomu app for the iPhone, and two awesome eBooks from Zidlow Marx!

I do tricks already! Adopt me!

P.S. Wanna puppy?

Regression or Progression?

I recently did my mid-integration checklist and interview for Justin’s Listening Training. As he is getting ready for his next intensive, I wanted to share some amazing gains I observed – new behaviors that I attribute to his first round of EnListen® and additional supports from home, including:

• Introduction of Chewelry to redirect chewing (I’ll be dedicating an entire blog post to this great product shortly!!)
• Addition of digestive enzymes, probiotics, and Omega Fatty Acid oil to his diet
• Increased yoga and fitness routines after school

Understand that every child is different and may or may not show the same gains or at the same rate, especially after only the first intensive. These are things that improved in my child:

• He now understands and carries out multi-step instructions (e.g., “Put on your socks, brush your teeth, and meet me in the kitchen.”)
• Bathroom experience: his body now signals that he has to go – no more accidents (thank you!); it is an easier experience – 15 minutes in the bathroom instead of 45!

• He is aware of possible consequences before proprioceptive crashing – Justin will now run up to things and stop and think first about whether or not it might be a good idea. He redirects himself for the first time.
• Empathy, remorse – he consciously apologizes after accidentally hurting someone and doesn’t repeat action!
• Fine motor improvement – he is better able to dress himself; he even wore jeans for the first time and buttoned them with no assistance!
• Initiating bedtime on his own – he’s getting tired earlier in the evenings, and bedtime is no longer a long and drawn out process (except when he’s being a typical kid!)
• Aware of why he has certain behaviors – when asked why he is displaying a certain behavior he is able to provide a logical answer rather than tuning out or shrugging it off
• Report card improvement
• Little to no spinning – much less stimming (excluding the return of recent verbal outbursts)
• Realizing where he is in space – there is much less holding the walls when walking and chair tipping when sitting
• Coordination, balance improvement – squatting, skipping, hurdles and obstacle courses, jumping improvement
• Tactile gains – introduction of new clothing materials that previously were not tolerated
• Initiating affection – this is a biggie! He is equating more with people and less with things.
• Showing more independent thought and less echolalia (and much less regurgitated TV speak!) when asked questions or engaged in a conversation

Less than desirable changes noticed:

• Expressing more frustration – this is due to experiencing certain feelings for the first time. Listening Training has begun the process of allowing him to be receptive to and in touch with his emotions. Justin will need to now learn how process those appropriately.
• More meltdowns
• The return of noises, verbal outbursts and personal space issues
• Less motivation to complete schoolwork

Although this may appear to be a regression in behavior, I realize that Justin is experiencing a reorganization of how he sees the world and processes information. It’s going to take time for these changes to be integrated into daily practice. I have to dig a little deeper. Some of these behaviors are not necessarily a regression, rather familiar ways of coping with new feelings and experiences.

He is also reflecting his new feelings of frustration through verbal stimming and needs to learn new and appropriate ways of expressing them.

The next intensive will continue to address sound sensitivity as well as introduce organizational skills and theory of mind.

It is easy to focus on the behaviors we don’t want from our child when we see them, and immediately assume things are headed south once again. I don’t know about you, but raising a child with Autism is a roller coaster ride full of gains and regressions. It’s part of the process and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Looking at this progress now on paper, he truly has made some incredible gains. It is imperative that the school and I continue to support him with reward systems, redirection, and behavior alternatives as he learns to integrate information in a new way.

How Important is Digestive Support?

It’s well documented that many children on the Autism spectrum can have a broad range of digestive struggles.  For some it can manifest as constipation, diarrhea, bloating or abdominal pain. Until recently, my child’s bathroom “sessions” would typically last 45 minutes or more, and he would have myriad accidents because he simply did not look forward to the painful experience.

Other children may have no outward appearance of symptoms but within their digestive tract there is disorder in the form of inflammation, leaky gut and food intolerances or sensitivities.

I recently started my son on a digestive enzyme, specifically formulated to aid in the digestion of gluten and casein.  Our bodies already contain enzymes that break down our food when we eat.  It’s imperative that by the time food reaches our intestines it is broken down properly, allowing nutrients to be absorbed into our bloodstream and taken to the cells around the body where they are needed most.  Proteins, fats and carbohydrates are broken down by enzymes, but for many children with Autism they seem to have problems breaking down and digesting their food properly.

Intolerances to certain foods, particularly wheat and dairy, are a common issue.  The proteins in these foods are not broken down properly and can cause damage to the intestinal lining and cross – undigested – into the blood, where they can cause many symptoms including behavioral problems.  Also what happens for many children is that during the process of attempting to break down these proteins, opiate-like substances are formed which can cross into the bloodstream and reach the brain. As a result, children may enter a drug-like state and can experience symptoms such as poor communication, lack of eye contact, drowsiness and exacerbated spatial issues.

Poor Digestion of Sugars and Fats

Many children with Autism have also been found unable to break down sugars, which can feed unwanted gut bacteria. When the digestive tract is overgrown with unwanted bacteria this can increase intestinal inflammation and can lead to a leaky gut, which allows undigested food to pass into the bloodstream and can aggravate many of their symptoms.

In addition to the Gluten Defense, I also began my child on Reuteri powdered probiotic to give him additional support for this bacteria overgrowth. Both of these products have no odor or taste, making it seamless and effortless to hide in his food. Other supplements I have tried have been instantly detected and rejected due to texture, odor, color, or taste, despite my best sneaky efforts. So far, so good!

Poor absorption of fats is also common, and it’s important for health that fats are broken down properly so that essential fatty acids can be used in the body. These essential fats are vital for digestive and immune health, as well as cognitive function.

To top off this super trio of support, I also added Udo’s Oil 3-6-9 Blend, an Omega Fatty Acid DHA supplement. I add this to applesauce, smoothies, and sometimes even in his morning cereal.

It’s important to remember that digestive enzymes are not a substitute for a gluten/casein elimination diet, but should be seen as one tool in a complete strategy.  There are no reported side effects of these natural products; however, as with any treatment, you may first observe worsening behavior, as unwanted gut bacteria may be dying off. Any time toxins are released from the body a small “healing crisis” may be experienced temporarily. It’s important to stick to your supplement plan, unless your child is experiencing an extreme negative symptom. You know your child best.

We just started our supplements, so I will report back our progress each week. I’d love to hear others’ experience with digestive enzymes, probiotics, and omega fatty acid supplements as well! Please comment below, or leave me some feedback on Facebook or Twitter!

TYSA Brings TOPSoccer to the Community Again

Spring is in the air, and on the TYSA soccer field it is also buzzing with excitement! Young athletes with a spectrum of disabilities – some familiar with each other from the program’s debut in Fall 2010 and some new faces – greeted each other on Sunday, March 13 at Henderson Park.

“We are very excited about the start of the second season of the TOPSoccer Program at TYSA.  The feedback from the parents, players and volunteers from our inaugural season has been tremendous.  We look forward to building upon the initial success of the program and the opportunity it provides to these young athletes.  It is, without a doubt, one of the most rewarding and fulfilling programs the TYSA has been involved with since it’s inception in the late ‘70’s”  says Ken Barnett, the Director of the TOPSoccer Program at TYSA.

TOPSoccer (The Outreach Program for Soccer) is a community-based soccer training program for young athletes with disabilities, organized by Tucker Youth Soccer Association volunteers. The program is designed to bring the opportunity of learning and playing soccer to any boy or girl, who has a mental or physical disability. Our goal is to share the love of soccer with young athletes with disabilities. Through TYSA’s TOPSoccer program, these special young athletes feel that they are an integral part of Tucker Youth Soccer Association.  This program is open to all kids with any type of physical or mental disability between the ages of 6-18.

The TOPSoccer program at TYSA has been partially funded through grants from US Youth Soccer and adidas^®.  These initial grants are helping to support the cost associated with starting this special program by allowing TYSA to provide TOPSoccer player with the basic equipment they need to participate in the program.

As the parent of a child on the Autism Spectrum, I am delighted to see the return of the amazing program, and so is my son! He greeted old teammates and welcomed new faces as he ran onto the field last week to start some drills.

I am really grateful for TOPSoccer; he hasn’t been able to participate in any type of organized sports in the past. It was also a great measure for me to see all the coordination and movement work I’ve been doing with him at home pay off in a safe environment!

TOPSoccer will meet in Henderson Park on Field 4 Sundays from 1 – 2 pm. Players and parents will meet on five Sunday afternoons for practice and then culminate in a Jamboree on the sixth Sunday.

Registration Fee: $25, which includes a Jersey, Socks, Shin Guards, a Ball, and a Carrying Bag.

Doctor’s approval required.

For further questions please contact Nancy Marsden, at admin@tysa.com or 404.219.3752.

My Son’s Interview with Mario & Luigi

Boy has it been a fun week at our house! I did an awesome project with my son and he really pulled it off beautifully! I’m so proud of him.

When I was a child I had to very creatively keep myself entertained. One of the things I remember doing was an interview with The Monkees: I taped myself asking clever questions and used snippets of their songs as the interview answers. Yeah, pretty dorky – I know!

I introduced this concept to my son and together we came up with funny questions for Mario and his brother Luigi. We used sound files from the actual video games as the answers.

Another one of the amazing gains I’ve witnessed in Justin since the start of his Listening Training is his ability to use inflections in his speech. Prior to this his voice was monotone and robotic, showing no differentiation between excitement or drudgery. He did such a good job, I just HAD to share it!

So without further ado… here is Justin interviewing Mario and Luigi:

MarioInterview

In Other News…

My daughter turned 13! In her spirited uniqueness, we came up with a really fun party for her and her closest friends.

The theme was wolves… complete with “goth” photo shoot against a wolf paw backdrop. Then everyone was required to check their reservations at the door as we performed our own version of “Whose Line is it Anyway” (comedy improv show). It was hands-down the most creative party I’ve hosted to date. Here’s the cake I made:

We enjoyed the improv games so much that we decided to turn them into twice monthly gatherings with her friends! I’m really looking forward to coordinating it!! Finally, my 3 years in Drama class being put to use

This week’s lesson:

I learned that quality time with my children doesn’t have to cost anything more than my time and some creative ideas. How about you? What fun things have you done with your kiddos? Let me know by commenting below, or post your thoughts on Facebook or Twitter!

Our Listening Training Experience So Far

Listening Training? Huh? Is that some new form of obedience school for children?

No, silly! It’s an awesome auditory processing tool that I decided I wanted my son to experience.

From EnListen®:

Listening is the primary foundation for competency in speaking, reading, writing and social interaction. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is the passive reception of sound, while listening is the active acknowledgment and organization of sound. Listening is the interpretation of sounds in the brain. Individuals with autism and other learning disabilities can have significant listening disabilities.

The process began with an extensive questionnaire and interview to assess Justin’s history, strengths and deficits, sensory issues, diet, behaviors, and more. From that and the desired skill set indicator (specific, measurable goals), a listening program was custom-engineered and shipped to us for his first intensive.

This intensive, two-hour sessions per day for fifteen days, consisted of low-frequency music files and narrated stories. He listened in special bone and air conduction headphones to sounds with different filtering, gating and delays sent separately to the right and left ear to wake up the brain and stimulate his vagus nerve.

Low frequency training addresses issues with basic body functions, including fine motor skills, toileting, balance, appetite, sleep, spinning, and the need to crash into things (sensory-seeking proprioceptive behavior). The vagus nerve connects the brain to the body’s major organs, delivering vital messages via the parasympathetic nervous system.

Our Experience with Listening Time

I thought it would take an Act of Congress to get my child to sit still and listen to ANYTHING for two hours. Knowing that he could engage in conversation, do homework, draw, or sleep during Listening Time helped my willingness to try it

He LOVED this time. Every day there was a new experience that he looked forward to; each session alternated between music and narrated stories. But this isn’t just “music therapy”, the files are engineered to delay and repeat in specific ways that wake up the brain and “rewire” neural pathways! By day two, he actually fell asleep during Listening Time. YES! (it works whether the child is awake or asleep)

It was made very clear to me that this is a long-term process, not a magic bullet or overnight solution to anything. Each intensive consists of roughly two weeks of Listening Time and a four-to-six week “integration” period before the next one.

The Noticeable Changes

Each child is different, and I was also prepared to see no real gains within the first intensive, which was to be expected. In fact, there was a strong possibility of seeing some regression, or behaviors getting worse before they got better. We had a mixed bag of experiences, all positive in regard to the big picture.

I first noticed Justin expressing frustration at small things quite a bit. He had a few more tantrums and meltdowns than I was prepared for. However, I was able to take a step back and realize that he was feeling things for the first time and had to learn how to react and respond to these new feelings. This was good!

He started falling asleep to Listening Time, and was relaxed and in bed by 9:30 several nights in a row! You don’t understand, this is a child that even with a Melatonin pill in his system would be-bop around like a whirling dervish until at least midnight. This was HUGE. It also meant we started consecutively making it to school on time for a change!

Other amazing observations include Justin being able to do his homework in his own handwriting and having an easier time in the bathroom; his typical 45-minute potty experience began taking 15 minutes or less. Wow.

It’s been a few weeks since his first intensive and he continues to show new behaviors that astound me. He recently looked at a bad grade in school and showed remorse that he did not complete the assignment. Given another chance, he was able to draw the conclusion that he could change his grade by completing it then and promptly did so. He apologizes when he unintentionally hurts me and is much less hyper. He is starting to think through responses rather than mimic phrases.

I know these things will continue to improve as I support him fully with other modalities and tools we already use, as well as clean up his diet (progress, not perfection!). I love being able to ease some of his struggles without attempting to change who he is.

The next intensive will address planning and organization, language, multi-step instructions, magnitude, expression, and more, so we’re VERY EXCITED about that!

I will be releasing a video and free report that goes into more detail about EnListen®… stay tuned as I share with you our journey with Listening Training!

And uh…thanks for listening.

Sorry… I had to

What You Think About You Bring About

How often do we find ourselves dreading an event, visit, or simple errand with our child? We look at past behaviors or incidents and expect the worst, based on what we experienced previously. We may even go so far as to picture the meltdown occurring and already start feeling frustrated and frazzled by the anticipation of it.

When we do this, we emit a certain frequency and our child picks up on it. Everything we think, say, and feel produces some kind of effect on our children.

How about trying an experiment? I’ve done this before with phenomenal results! Ready?

Expect the best from your child.

Not perfectionism, not nit-picking… just expect great behavior. Visualize it. Focus on what you WANT to happen and picture it happening that way. You might be very surprised at what unfolds!

I discovered this powerful shift some time ago, yet I often and easily forget the impact of such a simple adjustment. I had a great reminder today while reading a fantastic book: Bob Lancer’s Parenting With Love… Without Anger or Stress. Here is a paragraph that really resonated with me:

Praising or Thanking in Advance

When you want your child to do something, try praising or thanking her for doing it in advance. This tactic exhibits an uncanny power to bring out desirable behavior that has not yet happened. For instance, to encourage him to pick up after himself, try sincerely praising him for picking up after himself and genuinely thanking him for the contribution before he has done so. To encourage your child to play nicely with others at the playground, right before you launch her into activity you might say, “I want to thank you very much for playing so nicely with the other children at the playground today.”

Ironically, I found this to work with my To Do lists as well! For a whole week I created “Done” lists in lieu of “To Do” lists and I was so much more productive! They would read, “Went to bank, completed freelance project, did laundry, balanced checkbook,” etc. Guess what – I doubled my accomplishments that week!

What do you think? Do you have anything to lose by expecting your child to flourish and shine versus waiting for the meltdown? Thoughts are free. They can be changed and controlled with practice. Try it and let me know your results on my Facebook or Twitter page, or by commenting below!

Braving the Public… Meltdowns and “The Look”

I posted a question on Twitter and Facebook last week that stirred quite a few comments! The question was:

Parents: how many times have you gotten “the look” in public places… as if people were saying “Why can’t you control your child?”

The myriad responses I received ranged from “It is so stressful, we don’t even bother anymore” to “I don’t even notice because I don’t care what people think!”.  It was great! You know what? I can relate to every single bit of feedback I received. I have been in all of those places emotionally and even gone so far as to second-guess or blame myself and my parenting skills along the way.

No one said this job was easy. To quote a dear friend of mine, “Parenting is not for weenies.”

I can’t count how many times I’ve had to rapidly exit a grocery store, leaving a full cart, because my child escaped and was running up and down the aisles, screaming and crashing into endcaps. I can’t tell you how many times we spent $70 at the movies only to be kicked out of the theatre before the previews were even over. I can’t recall how many times we had to leave a restaurant, paying for food that never came because of meltdowns. And don’t get me started on how I know the response time of Fire Station 5 so well

I have experienced parents tell me I need to spank or beat (!) my child, I have gotten countless dirty looks from others in public places, I have been told by security officers that I need to “reel in my kid”, and I have been called a bad mother more times than I can remember. It’s not fun. I don’t even want to get into airplane follies!

As a single parent, I don’t have the luxury of another adult when out in public to take my son outside for a sensory break, put him in a time out, or to leave him with at home so I can do the shopping alone. What I also didn’t have until the last few years, though, was knowledge and understanding of Sensory Processing Disorder, a list of key things that set my son off, and tools to help me make the right decisions about taking him out.

I know we can all share horror stories. I’ve probably stifled and suppressed most of mine BUT I thought it would be helpful for me to share what we do RIGHT now. Meltdowns these days are minimal, if not completely gone.

Know when the odds are stacked against you. Is it close to nap time? Has your child been stuck inside with no exercise? Did he just have a big, sugary snack? Or is he really hungry? Conversely, are YOU exhausted and sleep-deprived? Squeezing things into your schedule and feeling pressed for time? These are NOT good times to take your child with Autism to the store, restaurant, bank, or any other errands. It may be inconvenient, but it is worth it to wait until all the odds are in your favor so you can handle any situation from a place of calm and grounded peace. When you can respond, not react, it changes everything.

Avoid busy times. Try to go to your favorite places when they are not too crowded. So what if your schedule is different than the rest of the world’s? The extra quiet atmosphere may be totally worth it.

Understand what your child experiences. I used to just see bad behavior. Then I would try to reason with it, yell, lose my patience, bargain with it… yes, these were really effective The truth of the  matter is, your child may be under assault by her senses. If you can stand a little bit of bad language, this is a GREAT video to illustrate a meltdown. I love it. Sensory Overload Simulation

You can also read one of my earlier articles, Why Does My Autistic Child Scream?! which helps explain what’s going on neurologically.

Physical exercise first. Taking 5 extra minutes before going out to toss a sandbell with your child, run a quick relay race, do some animal crawls, or just run in place can change their entire mood and energy level for your outing. Fitness creates focus, provides an energy release, and gives your child a nice self-esteem boost along the way!

Anticipate and arm yourself with supports. Bring things like noise-blocking headphones, supermarket bingo, things to draw with, snacks, or even video games if you deem them appropriate. Know where exits are as well as a quiet place to go for a five-minute sensory break if needed. Illustrate clear consequences for misbehavior prior to entering your destination, but also make it clear that breaks and time outs for his body are not the same as being in trouble! It also couldn’t hurt to have a plan B.

Look for flags. You know what it looks like when your child first starts to get overloaded. Don’t wait until the situation spins out of control before addressing it. If possible, give your child choices and encourage her to make the right ones for her. I can now ask my son, “Are you screaming for fun, or does your body hurt?” (sometimes he’s just being a boy!) I’ve had him hold up numbers to tell me where his body is on a meltdown scale – 1 being perfectly fine and 5 being totally out of control.

Compassion. It’s never easy to walk that fine line between disciplining a behavior when your child can clearly help it versus giving them support and understanding when they truly can’t. The bottom line is, we are all doing the best we can. If you think you’re frustrated by a behavior your child exhibits, imagine how he feels getting in trouble for his ears hurting or his nerve endings feeling like they’re on fire. Imagine yourself not being able to tell if you’re standing up straight or falling over, and then getting yelled at for touching the wall and not knowing why. I’m not saying all behavior is okay and should be overlooked, but seeing things through your child’s eyes (or ears, or hands) can instantly melt your frustration into compassion and assistance for your child to step into his best self!

What other public tips and tools work for you? What attitudes have you shifted that changed your experience? I’d love to hear about them!

5 Ways to Tell Your Children That You Love Them

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Today is a great day for me to reflect on how lucky I am to have two amazing children and a beautiful (expecting!) wolfie-dog in my home. Every day is an adventure and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Recently, things have definitely been a bit strained in our house as we move through the shift of the changing times! Especially amidst the madness of single parenthood, it is so vital to take time out simply appreciate my family. Here are a few ways I love to show it:

Unplug. Turning off the iPhone, stepping away from the computer, and being present with the kids as my first and only priority – it works wonders!

Be silly. Maybe it’s embarrassing to them, but having the courage to be goofy in front of others gives my children permission to express themselves and creates lots of memories to laugh about later.

Love notes. Taking the three extra seconds to draw a funny face on my daughter’s sandwich bag, leave a note in my son’s lunchbox, or tape a sign to the TV or bathroom mirror always adds a little extra smile for the recipient

Change the routine. Sometimes spontaneously deciding to go out to eat, have breakfast for dinner, or go the park for a picnic will shake up the routine and add a new perspective. Letting the kids have a turn to choose is even better!

Tell them. Sounds easy, right? How often we forget to ‘catch our kids being good’ and tell them what you LOVE about their behavior, viewpoints, or appearance. The next time you want to nag about what they forgot to do, try noticing what they remembered and see the ripple effect!

How do you express your love to your kiddos? Feel free to share your unique ideas on our Facebook page!

What Do You Do When Your World Turns Updside-Down?

So.

You’re cruising along, making progress, taking the normal ups and downs in stride… suddenly, without warning… BAM! The rug gets pulled out from under you and you find yourself spinning, reeling, and unable to take a breath deep enough to satisfy your lungs. What do you do when crisis strikes your home? How do you stop yourself from falling all the way down to the bottom? Is there a bottom, or is it just fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) that grabs hold?

My world changed a few weeks ago and it shook the very core of my being. And although I am not in the clear by any means, I feel I am now able to at least start gathering the pieces of myself and my family and pulling them into some semblance of normalcy!

Holding on to the sides of the wall is progress from tumbling with increasing velocity… so here are some tools and lessons that helped stop my fall and kept me strong for my children:

Perspective and gratitude.

No matter WHAT’S happening, it can always be worse. That may sound trite, but it is so very true. At the height of our crisis, I continued (and continue) to count my blessings and focus on the things that are going right. It doesn’t eradicate the fear and reality of what’s happening altogether, but it’s a great home base

Take a break for self-care.

After being in survival-mode for so many days in a row, I was horrified to find that I hadn’t eaten or slept in quite some time. This only makes the situation worse!! It is not selfish (well, it’s the appropriate selfish) to stop, breathe, take a long bath, or spend some time laughing in the midst of crisis. Even 10 minutes can repair parts of your soul and make a huge difference in your perspective and ability to cope.

Keep routines in place.

Despite the world being upside-down, I did my best to keep as much of my normal routine in place so things did not take a nose dive even faster. There is comfort and ease in routine schedules. Of course, eating and sleeping would have been good parts of my routine to keep in place, but… progress not perfection!

Keep your children in the loop… appropriately.

While I didn’t tell my children the absolute depth and underlying meanings of what was happening, I did make them aware that we were in trouble. This accomplished two things: allowed them to creatively step into their power and pool resources that I may not have considered and kept them out of the “scary unknown”. Going through something of this  magnitude and trying to maintain that all is perfectly fine with your children is extremely detrimental. The unknown, unspoken tension is so much worse than the reality of a situation. But again, this doesn’t mean spilling adult-sized problems onto little shoulders. Filters and balance are key.

Ask for help.

This is a TOUGH one! I have never been good at it, and it is not comfortable at all for me. But I did it, and I am blown away by the outpouring of love and assistance from friends and neighbors. Gratitude!

Receive with grace.

Shutting my mouth and saying, “Thank you” is also not one of my strengths. What I realized is that by not accepting or excusing away assistance offered is denying someone the gift of helping. It’s not all about me

Feel your emotions but don’t let them consume you.

I found myself consistently toggling back and forth between getting caught up in the hideous emotions that accompany a situation such as this and not feeling anything at all. Neither of these are the right choice. By feeling my emotions, I am honoring them rather than stuffing them down. But that doesn’t mean I have to stay there and build a condo, as someone once told me! I cannot effectively process and release emotions unless I allow myself to feel them.

Get creative.

It is easy to continue to look for the one situation or event that I think will solve my problem. But that is limited thinking. I can be open to multiple solutions that come in many forms. I will continue to explore them all with an open mind, as well as fine-tune what I’m already doing. It’s not a “here and there” situation, it’s a growth opportunity. Yes, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!

I hope these tools help you through anything that comes your way!

How do you handle unexpected twists and turns from life? I’d love to hear! Also, stay tuned as I resume the amazing projects I have in store for all of you… I promise they are worth the wait!

Blessings!

Debi